Do your friends look like you?
January 13th, 2010 by DreamsforKids | Filed under Abby Kritzler |Today, I was talking to one of the Dream Leaders who graduated high school and is now attending University of Illinois. He’s making great grades, and he seems to be really happy, but I was troubled when he told me that he sees “the racism that people warned me about.” I thought college was supposed to be the time that everyone breaks away from their sheltered childhood to learn from people different then they are. When I asked him to explain what he meant, he went on to tell me a number of stories about feeling like the white students in his dorm would barely look at him, let alone talk to him. He said there had been a number of altercations between students of different races. He said he was still trying to make friends of different races, but that he was finding comfort in groups like the African Alliance.
I told him how sad I was that those people who weren’t interested in his friendship were missing out so much. Not only is he an amazing person with a fascinating background that anyone could learn from, but the people I have been most impacted by in my life are those with drastically different backgrounds than I. I went to a pre-dominantly white high school and college and felt like I really missed out on a lot because of it. It wasn’t until later in life that my friends became more diverse, and they still aren’t as diverse as I wish they were.
Sometimes when I look at our Dream Leaders, teens as diverse as they come, working together with no recognition of the differences, but rather in celebration of their common goals, I feel a twinge of reflection on my life. Where was this program when I was in high school? Why didn’t we reach those U of I students before they became trapped in the comfort of hanging out with friends who look like them?
After that conversation, I am more passionate than ever of the importance of the Dream Leaders program and reaching as many students as we can!
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Abby:
I was very touched by your blog. I too have a vested interest in diversity amongst teens and their peers. In my opinion,exclusion is based on ignorance. Not all people who surround themselves by people of like race, creed, or religious affiliation are truly racist. Instead, we tend to keep the company of the those that are like us. This trend is magnified when we are not exposed to diversity at a young age. You stated that you attended a pedominatly white school. Translation…. there were few people that were different from you. From birth to college are the most important years in life. This is the period of time that we learn to grow and to adapt to our surroundings. If diversity is not apart of this growth process we end up being close minded individuals. Not everyone fits the bill, but it is the norm.
I was fortunate to attend predominantly white and black schools. As a result, I understand the importance of diversity and difference. I can truly relate to anyone of any race. Being exposed to diversity during the most important years in my life has taught me to embrace differences amongst all groups and to look at diversity as a learning experience.
I too have experienced racism because of the color of my skin and quite frankly it is infuriating. When someone feels like they know your character based on your skin color, you feel confused, followed by anger. I would love to work with you in hopes of bringing diversity to all cultures and helping teens understand that different does not equate to being bad, inferior, or less than. Instead, I hope that we can spread that difference means power. respect, and knowledge.
You can contact me at monet900@yahoo.com or mnewton@edmc.edu
I hope to hear fom you soon…….
I also went to a predominantly white high school and attended the same post secondary institution-on-the-hill of which you speak.
Intellectually, I’ve never been racist. I was raised in a household that taught me to accept all people. But it’s strange what society and a lack of diversity can do to the mind. I find myself thinking things I know I don’t believe in before I can stop myself. I find myself more complacent with the idle jokes thrown about at a party with my predominantly white friends than I should be.
The intellectual me is up in arms about racism, but the real me sorta just lets it slide sometimes. I think this is the product of having a homogeneous upbringing, where being “a little racist” was perfectly acceptable because there were no direct ramifications from it. I could easily see how this would make me a more racist person today if I didn’t have the strong backbone of my parents’ teachings, and I struggle all the time to turn that knee jerk reaction around and really analyze where it’s coming from.
If you can tell your Dream Leader anything, tell him this: it’s not that people don’t want to look at you, it’s just that they don’t know how. Be stronger for them, be kind when you don’t have to be, say hi when it’s the hardest thing to do. People are generally good, it’s just hidden in this awful human shell sometimes.